August 19, 2014

tapped clean out.

Photo Aug 14, 9 09 19 AM

In the spirit of being honest, I have to tell you that mom-land really stinks this week. I love these boys. I'm hating my job as their mother right now. One is a mouthy little punk who can't obey to save his life and the other one is an adventurous toddler with a bad teething problem. These little angels are trying to kill me.

One thing I've learned over time is that the mom bloggers you think have their crap together- really don't. They just have help.

I don't have help.

I'm just a one-woman show over here. My husband and I get about two hours together each evening, and that time is spent wrangling kids to the dinner table, then into the bathtub and to bed. We get no time to be alone. We don't get date nights.

I spend weekends doing the same thing we do all week. When Eric isn't working, he's either doing yard maintenance for our house, helping his parents around their house, or trying to catch a few minutes of rest. Many weeks, he works seven days.

We don't have a babysitter. We don't put our kids in daycare. We can't afford either luxury. Our kids' grandparents aren't well enough to help with the kids. Between sickness and physical disability (among other issues), we don't have family members to help. Neither of us have close friends.

I'm so burned out on motherhood right now. I know from experience this is a temporary feeling- it will pass. I hate feeling this way.

It's hard to be vulnerable. It's hard to feel alone taking on the the most monumental task you've ever been asked to do. It's even harder pushing out good content for a blog when all the "experts" are telling you to put a lid on your negative feelings and share the rainbows and puppy dogs and all you really have time to do is pull your youngest kid from his precarious perch on top of the kitchen counter while screaming at the older kid to please stop emptying the contents of an entire tube of toothpaste into the bathroom sink.

Times like these, I want to throw in the towel on everything.

My kids are precious to me. That said, I'm hoping the rest of this week will serve to remind me they can be as sweet as they are difficult.

Coming Next (as soon as I get done scrubbing this crayon off the wall!): a house tour and some frank talk about our real estate situation.

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